Reclaiming My Freedom

As I was growing up, I wasn't particularly religious, meaning that I wasn't practicing of all the rituals required by a good Muslim, namely the five daily prayers. However, I was enthusiastic for my religion, and was convinced that it was true.

Then at some point, I realized that this wasn't really great news. A simple and well known fact made its real appearance into my conciousness; I am Muslim because I was born so! I thought of what I'd be like by now, if I was born Christian or Jew, or follower of any other belief system. Truth is, Islam didn't seem illogical in itself to me, but I had no way of confirming if any other religion would seem the same to me if I was born into it. Sometimes I even wished that I was born any other than Muslim, or, even best, that I was born atheist! I thought this would have been a good way to start with a free mind. Problem is, even being born an atheist is being conditioned and raised up into a belief system, even if not a religion. It seemed that we are all destined to this conditioning, and it's on us to set our minds, our hearts and our souls free.

I am not sure when exactly this happened. No one event really caused me to think this way. I think it was all gradual, it was all going on in my mind, but still, I was ok being Muslim.

Then something happened. To tell this brief little event, I have to explain a few things about the Muslim society I lived in. I wasn't praying regularly as I mentioned earlier, however I was still going to the weekly collective prayer on Fridays. Going to the mosque for the Friday Prayer is not like going to church on Sundays in a western country, where people don't really look badly at those who don't. In my society in Egypt, it was really a bad thing being seen at home during the time of the Friday prayer, especially for a male ( females aren't being required to do this collective prayer in the mosque, and they can do it at home).

So one day, here I was, walking to the mosque one Friday. I wasn't really happy about going to the Friday collective prayer every week. You basically go and listen to a speech then perform the prayer. Preachers weren't always that brilliant, and they didn't, in most cases, make it really attractive to me to go listen to them every week. I was walking, feeling that I'd rather stay home. Then I suddenly realized that I was doing something that I don't really want, and more important, I wasn't doing it for God or for the religion, I was going because I was just following what is "seen" to be good in my society, and avoiding being looked at very badly if I didn't go. I thought, how stupid and how indign was what I was doing, even in the eyes of God, to do that just for people, when I knew I didn't really feel like doing it that day.

I took a quick decision then. Well, sometimes I would take really quick decision that are to change the course of my life. I even did it when I decided to immigrate to the United States, it was a real quick decision. However quick decision are not really quick. Their seeds have been slowly growing in our hearts and minds, even though it might only take a few moments for them to go above the ground and be seen in the world.

I turned around, and I went back home. And a new era of my life started, and a new self was forming. I decided to go the hard way, because I was fed up losing myself to others, to my society and my traditions. My little questions and realizations transformed into a firm decision and a radical change in the way I approach religion. I am still thankful to this until today. It set my mind free, and I feel that I came out of darkness into light. The darkness of blindly following, and the light of placing the Truth above anything else, even my own culture, family, society, and religion...

Is religion worth considering at all?

Religion is not and cannot be a trivial issue. If someone comes to me saying: "I have the truth of life to tell you about, and your believing or not believing in it will have very serious consequences that will last forever", then the least I am expected to do would be to listen carefully to whatever they have to say. I will lose nothing by listening and considering and giving such serious claims the thinking they deserve, but in the same time I will trust both my intuition and my logic to judge if those claims are worth considering any further. Religions claim to bring us books sent by the Creator of the Universe, and it would be VERY unwise to discard the whole thing and decide that we don't even need to consider. The most important thing in the quest is to trust in ourselves, in our ability to learn, to study and to judge ideas, to distinguish between logical and illogical, between things that seem to have a good chance of being true and those who don't fit comfortably with our common sense.

This idea is illustrated in the Quran in the story of Moses and the Pharaoh, it's such a simple logic, and one needs to be really close-minded not to listen and appreciate what this wise man said, then his words were made eternal by the Quran (as in many instances throughout the Book, names are not mentioned, because what matters most is not WHO is saying, but WHAT is being said):

"A secret believer from Pharaoh's family said, 'How can you kill a man just for saying, "My Lord is God"? He has brought you clear signs from your Lord-if he is a liar, on his own head be it-and if he is truthful, then at least some of what he has threatened will happen to you. God does not guide any rebellious, outrageous liar. My people, as masters in the land you have the power today, but who will help us against God's might if it comes upon us?" Quran, Chapter 40, Verses 28,29

The idea of killing Moses as an answer to his message-just because he was inviting those people to a very different truth from what they were familiar with-symbolizes what many humans keep doing when they reject an idea or a claim, just because it differs from whatever they are used to believe. So the first step in our quest of the truth is to reject not any serious claims about the truth of life until and unless we listen and consider with an open mind. But what comes after that is even more challenging, which is how to set ourselves free from our traditions and all that we are so familiar with. I will talk about that in my coming posts, insha'Allah (God will).

Saying

God says in the Quran:

"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, We believe, and not be tried?
And certainly We tried those before them, so Allah will certainly know those who are true and He will certainly know the liars."

This verse was one of the first, if not actually the first to draw my attention to how the message of Islam approves my own feelings and common sense about the whole religion thing. I could easily say to my fellow Muslims that I am just like them, I am a Muslim and a believer, this is all I needed to put everyone at ease, especially my parents, who were sad and upset thinking that I was no longer a believer. When having a debate about religion, my fellow Muslims would easily jump to the conclusion that I had gone astray, and they still think the same sometimes when I say something that is not so "familiar" to them, although in everything I said and say, I always thought to be closer to the true message of Islam than they believe.

It is easy to "say" that we believe. But I thought that it was far better to try to name my feelings as close to what they are as possible. Instead of saying that I am a believer in God, I would say that I would be stupid to say that there is no God. I know how limited our human knowledge is, and it's silly to decide that there is no God when we didn't even leave the planet Earth. I like those who say: "we don't know", or "we are not sure." They are being honest, and I think that they are closer to God than someone who says loud: "I BELIEVE IN GOD" out of a heart that still seeks refuge in a lie, gets scared from a fellow human being, thinks that he is really in control of everything or feels deeply depressed for missing a pleasure or enduring a difficulty ("and despair not of the Spirit of Allah; surely none despairs of Allah's mercy except the unbelieving people" Joseph, verse 87).

The first step that would allow us to be accepted by God is honesty and true words. Whoever knows a little about God knows that He sees what's in our heart, and how insulting to God's knowledge is saying "We believe" while knowing we didn't exactly get there yet!

When this verse reached me, I felt assured that what God really cares about is for us to be honest with ourselves. And even after we really believe, here is what we are told in the Quran:

"O you who believe! why do you say that which you do not do?
It is most hateful to Allah that you should say that which you do not do."
Chapter 61, Verse 3

"O ye who believe! Guard your duty to Allah, and speak words straight to the point; (the right word)
That He may make your conduct whole and sound and forgive you your sins."
Chapter 33, Verses 70-71

See how "saying" the right words results in God's help "doing" the right actions?!

The Begining

Welcome to my new blog :)

I had the idea to create this new blog just a few days ago. I am not yet sure if creating a new blog for this specific subject is the best decision. I already have an Englisg blog, which I named "Egyptian Mind". After all, I can't think of myself as a "fluent" writer in English. I studied French in college, and all my English comes from my school years back in Egypt (not even language schools), then my readings once I found myself in the USA, where buying English books was the easiest of options. In this blog, I want to share my experience with religion. I am a Muslim born, but I seem to be closer to a Muslim convert in heart and in mind. When I was about 20 year-old, I had an experience and I made a decision, which led to completely renew my relationship with my religion. I will talk about that in this blog, and I will try to explore and share with others why I have chosen to revert to Islam and why I am still chosing to remain a Muslim. I am not teaching anything to anyone, I am sharing what I know and what I believe. It's a way of self-discovery. It's also a little bridge to non Muslims who want to understand Islam from an insider, from a regular Muslim who knows why he has chosen to be so.